Zip it Arsene

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Perhaps it was a beautiful metaphor for Arsenal’s lack of zip in recent times, but Arsene Wenger’s wardrobe malfunction sure was amusing.

Captured by ESPN, scandalously no-one made the ‘can’t get it up’ reference or remarked on Steve Bould’s professionalism as he desperately ignored an old man struggling with a zip, a problem that five minutes later he was still having an issue with.

Bless him, it’s almost poignant to see a once great man unable to carry out the most menial of tasks.

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One unusal injury

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Footballer’s aren’t renowned for being the cleverest folk, but York City’s Matty Blair might have just taken the biscuit for getting the stupidest injury – he has been ruled out after being hurt by a training ground dummy.

Blair had to go to hospital for stitches after falling over into a mannequin set up for the players to dribble round.

His manager Gary Mills told the York Press the following:

Matty Blair got tackled by a mannequin and ended up with a gash in his knee. He stumbled into it after tangling with Michael Potts and had to have a good few stitches in his knee.

I think he’s the first footballer ever to be injured by a mannequin and he’s had a fair bit of ribbing but he will be fine for tomorrow.

Now I hate footballer ‘banter’ more than the next man, but Blair deserves all the bullying he gets from his team mates.

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Ronaldo to make 100th appearance for Portugal

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Cristiano Ronaldo recieved a shoulder injury in the El Clasico last week but he is said to have recovered and will be available for international duty.

Portugal host Northern Ireland later today and if CR plays, it will be his 100th international cap in the national football team. It will also make him the second youngest European of all time to make 100 appearances for his country; behind Germany’s Lukas Podolski.

With 14 goals in 11 Real Madrid fixtures this season, people say that he is in the form of his life but his overall record for the Galacticos is just as good: 160 goals in 155 matches played.

With his current club, he has won a La Liga and Supercopa double last season and a Copa del Rey in 2011. He was, however, crowned the Ballon d’Or and the FIFA World Player of the Year in 2008 – he was at Manchester United at the time.

On the international level, Cristiano’s career has been eluded by silverware. Even his goalscoring record is much less prolific – from over a goal a game at club level to just 37 goals in 99 games at the internatonal level.

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Luis Suarez a diver?

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Liverpool striker Luis Suarez might have a reputation as a diver, but at least he usually commits to it. During yesterday’s match against Stoke he looked like a seven-year-old child attempting his first belly-flop at the deep-end.

You could argue that presenting footage in GIF format necessitates going to ground in installments, but this takes the biscuit.

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Top five implausible defences for Ashley Cole

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1. He misread the FA report and thought that they were accusing him of calling them a #BUNCHOFTWATS.

2. #BUNCHOFTWATS actually refers to bun choft wats. It’s a perfectly harmless hashtag about bun (a small cake), choft (according to Urban Dictionary, someone who pretends to live inside the internet) and wats (a Cambodian monastery). It simply means that any cake-eating FA panel members who based their decision on internet rumour need a period of quiet contemplation, ideally in a Far East temple.

3. Somebody else had his mobile at the time the tweet was sent. NO, DON’T START THAT AGAIN!

4. This was quite a restrained response. If he was really angry he would have nearly swerved his car off the road instead.

5. Oftwats is Cole’s much-touted regulatory body for hard done by footballers. It would perform a similar role as the likes of Ofcom and Ofgem.

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