Category Archives: F.A. Premier League

Information and stories from the English Premier League

Zip it Arsene

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Perhaps it was a beautiful metaphor for Arsenal’s lack of zip in recent times, but Arsene Wenger’s wardrobe malfunction sure was amusing.

Captured by ESPN, scandalously no-one made the ‘can’t get it up’ reference or remarked on Steve Bould’s professionalism as he desperately ignored an old man struggling with a zip, a problem that five minutes later he was still having an issue with.

Bless him, it’s almost poignant to see a once great man unable to carry out the most menial of tasks.

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Luis Suarez a diver?

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Liverpool striker Luis Suarez might have a reputation as a diver, but at least he usually commits to it. During yesterday’s match against Stoke he looked like a seven-year-old child attempting his first belly-flop at the deep-end.

You could argue that presenting footage in GIF format necessitates going to ground in installments, but this takes the biscuit.

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Top five implausible defences for Ashley Cole

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1. He misread the FA report and thought that they were accusing him of calling them a #BUNCHOFTWATS.

2. #BUNCHOFTWATS actually refers to bun choft wats. It’s a perfectly harmless hashtag about bun (a small cake), choft (according to Urban Dictionary, someone who pretends to live inside the internet) and wats (a Cambodian monastery). It simply means that any cake-eating FA panel members who based their decision on internet rumour need a period of quiet contemplation, ideally in a Far East temple.

3. Somebody else had his mobile at the time the tweet was sent. NO, DON’T START THAT AGAIN!

4. This was quite a restrained response. If he was really angry he would have nearly swerved his car off the road instead.

5. Oftwats is Cole’s much-touted regulatory body for hard done by footballers. It would perform a similar role as the likes of Ofcom and Ofgem.

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QPR’s ambition

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QPR escaped Premier League relegation by the skin of their teeth last season, securing their top-flight status on the last day of the campaign despite losing 3-2 to Manchester City. The club’s owner Tony Fernandes is obviously keen to avoid such a nail-biting finale to 2012-13, with a very busy transfer window heralding a number of new players for the Loftus Road outfit. However over the last week eyebrows have been raised as the R’s have shown real ambition with a deal to sign Brazil international goalkeeper Julio Cesar and the news that they have agreed a fee with Real Madrid for talented midfielder Esteban Granero.

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